Fade to Black
by Vagrant BG
Summary: A songfic of Cloud's feeling. Based on Metallica's Fade to Black. Warning: Suicide themes.


"Life it seems will fade away

Drifting further every day

Getting lost within myself

Nothing matters no one else"

It was a cold night in the peaceful town of Kalm. Cold and still. The sky was void of clouds, only tiny silver dots covering parts of the eternal blackness. And the moon, the silver glow of the moon. It was almost eerie that is could shine so brightly yet so dull at the same time. 

The never-ending sky seemed very fitting to Cloud Strife, it reflected his feelings, his thought. His never-ending loss and pain.

That one priceless jewel he has once owned. No, he never did own it, he was too stupid to tell that jewel how he felt. The jewel, of course, was Aeris Gainsborough. The one light in his eternal darkness. But now she was gone. So what? Move on. The voice in his head were ordering him to forget her. _Forget her!? I'd rather die…_

The memory of Aeris floated into the blond boys mind, like a beautiful stream of water. The clear memory of her face was haunting him, tempting him to do what he had longed to do for so long. To take his own life and enter the Promised Land he so desired. 

But, what if I can't get there, he thought. _What if I ended up swimming around in the horrid lifestream for all eternity?_

But would it really be worse than this? The empty life, a life without meaning.

"I have lost the will to live

Simply nothing more to give

There is nothing more for me

Need the end to set me free" 

This pain, it had to end! But what about my friends, he thought suddenly. Barret, Cid, Red, Yuffie, Vincent, Reeve, and… Tifa. Surly he couldn't abandon them? No, they didn't need him anymore. The crisis was over, the world saved. 

Nobody has any use for me anymore. 

But Tifa… It would kill her.

Cloud knew of Tifa's feelings for him. He heard her talking to Barret about two weeks after the crisis. He heard her say, "I love him. Now and forever, I will love him." 

Cloud hadn't meant to listen in on her, but it happened and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't forget those words. It was true that Cloud had feelings for Tifa, but now his heart belonged to another, so to speak.

He could remembered back when he was child, and remembered how he felt about Tifa. The strong feelings, the shyness, and the pain. Truthfully, he still felt the same way. Whenever he looked into her burgundy tinted eyes, he would see the same 14 year old girl looking back at him. But it wasn't love, at least not the same love he felt for her…

"Things not what they used to be

Missing one inside of me

Deathly lost, this can't be real

Cannot stand this hell I feel"

Those thought brought him back to the memory of his angel. The angel he had lost, and would never see again. 

The pain was surreal! 

The pain of losing one he loved so much, it would not pass! 

The anger was building up in him. The image of the Masamune piercing the body and soul of a true angel brought tears to his eyes. Angry hot tears of hate, hate for the one being that destroyed his life, JENOVA! 

JENOVA had manipulated him, and his hero Sephiroth. It had destroyed the lives of so many, including the one he loved. _Why her!? _Why did she have to be a Cetra? 

He sobbed uncontrollably, hot tears streaming down his red cheeks. His lower lip trembled uncontrollably. 

Cloud remembered the look on Sephiroth face, just after he killed his angel. That dark look in his eyes, the same look he had when he burnt his hometown to the ground. The sinful look of JENOVA. JENOVA, the bringer of pain and misery. The bringer of death!

"Emptiness is filling me

To the point of agony

Growing darkness taking dawn

I was me, but now his gone"

The feeling of anger slowly slipped away as the feeling of sorrow took its place. The feeling of helplessness, the fact there was nothing he could do to change what happened to his sweet Aeris. 

Cloud's head was filled with thoughts of everything, but ironically, he felt emptiness. Emptiness of his heart and his soul. Emptiness in his very existence. It was like a huge part of him died when Aeris died. 

Why bother going through life? 

What's the point? 

Cloud's thoughts filled his mind as he went through them looking for an answer. But he found nothing. There was no way of avoiding the pain, the agony. And again, Cloud thought of taking his own life. He thought of being in The Promised Land with Aeris forever. The idea began to make more and more sense.

Cloud slowly walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. He stood there holding the knife for what seemed like hours, staring into the reflection in the knife. His unusual blue eyes looked back at him showing him his own pain. Suddenly, it all became clear. It was the only way to stop the pain. Cloud quickly slashed at his wrists. Crimson blood dripped down his arms.

"No one but me can save myself, but it's to late

Now I can't think, think why I should even try"

Cloud looked over and saw his PHS. He could call someone, someone to save him. _But isn't this what I wanted? _Cloud's thoughts were filled with questions, but unable to come up with an answer. His thoughts were a jumble. His vision was blurry, and his whole body was numb. All he could think of was Aeris.

"Yesterday seems as though it never existed

Death Greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye"

The thought of Aeris somehow dulled the pain. Knowing he was coming to her, soothed him in a strange way. Under his breath, Cloud said his goodbyes to all his friends. And sighed an apology to Tifa. With his last breath, Cloud smiled and slipped into the eternal sleep.

~*~*~*~

Notes: No, I don't own any rights to FFVII or Metallica. I know the idea for this story wasn't too original, but when I heard this song, it just gave me the idea. I will try to come up with a more original story next, but until then, please review this! My first ever song-fic!


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